Short jokes
What do ants and Michael Jackson have in common? They go in kids' pants.
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Question: How bad is German WiFi?
Answer: It's the wurst.
Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Hitler.