Short jokes
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
If I called you gay, you would probably hit me with your purse.
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
Question: How bad is German WiFi?
Answer: It's the wurst.
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"
Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
One day a cow ate a fish.
What came out the other side?
A dead fish.
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?