Short jokes
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
"Hippity hoppity, the school shooter spotted me."
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
Where did Milky Way get its degree?
At the university.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
"Consent is just some fucked up feminist propaganda."
Smack an orphan, what’s he gonna do... tell his parents?
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?
The Furred Reich.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an emo bitch?
The Twin Towers hit the ground.
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They’re always so twisted!
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.