Short jokes
What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?
"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*
When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
What do you say to make a redhead mad?
Anything.
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.
What is a tornado's favorite game?
Twister!
Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.
Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?
It made sour milk.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
Frostbite!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.