Short jokes
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl.
Why do orphans only have Samsung's? Because they don't have a home button.
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.
My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."
LOL
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.
Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
One time I was watching TV.
Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!
Me: Omg, really?
Mom: Sike, I lied.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.
Satan and the devil are alter egos.
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.
They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.
Abortions = yeetis of the fetus.
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.