Short jokes
"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.
I once made a belt out of clocks.
It was a waist of time.
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"
"Shut up and leave the bedroom."
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
F*ck me!
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.
When a donkey digs a tunnel, it is called a burro.
AIDS?
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?