Short jokes
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
How did I kill Georgee?
I snatched her boat! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
What’s twelve inches and white?
Nothing.
A group of friends went outside to pick up stuff. One of the friends said, "It is windy as heck out!"
"Jingle bells, Osama smells."
Why did Monika look at the recycling bin with tears in her eyes?
Because she realized she just couldn't delete her feelings for you...
What spooky creature has children?
Mummies.
What do emos and guys with a durag have in common? They both have waves, just one is on their arm.
That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.
What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.
"I told my kids not to spend all day at a computer, but then I realized I do that myself."
OK, OK, eat your shirt.
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
Why did Draven eat curry?
I don't know, ask him.
Dravenッ
Why do Blondes never suffer from headaches?
No brain, no pain.