Short jokes
I'm lookin' for some good jokes for the best song award. Can y'all help a fellow out?
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
Why did two fours skip lunch? They already ate.
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't chicken!
What kind of animal falls from the sky?
Answer: A raindeer.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks.
It's my fort knight.
Did you?
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
What is the giant's synonyms?
Fi, fo, fum.
Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?
Sally.
What did the kids say hi to? A slide.