Short jokes
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.
I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.
Arsenal
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
AIDS?
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
I left Iran. Guess how? I ran!
In the words of Kerk Cobane: "Check this sweet no scope!"
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
A seal walks into a club.
How do you scare a bee?
Boo-bee!
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
What kind of cheese protects castles?
MOAT-zerrela.
Q) What do trees call deforestation?
A) TREASON!
F*ck me!
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.