Short jokes
What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.
GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"
Why do orphans commit crimes?
To be wanted.
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.
All that work wasted.
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
Where do T. Rexes shop? Dino-stores.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
Popular guy in class: I am so funny.
Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.
Why do orphans hate geometry? Cuz it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.
What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.