Short jokes
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
Why can't Asians golf?
Because they can't drive.
Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?
Because they practice at the best schools.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?
All his comebacks take three days.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
Water was found on Mars.
Mars: 1 Africa: 0
What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits."