Short jokes
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
What's the LGBTQ+'s favorite cereal?
Fruity Pebbles.
What is another word for a bagel? 🥯
Jewish doughnut ✡️ 🍩👏 👏 👍 👍 👌 👌 💪 💪 😋 🏆 🎖
What do you call a U.S. border hopper?
A Mexican jumping bean.
What do you call a rich Asian?
A cha-ching.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.
Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone.
He is now playing the whore-monica.
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!