Short jokes
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
I cannot believe Kelly Clarkson's music is considered pop! More like comatose music!
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?
So they have a place to hang the air freshener.
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
What is a black person's least favorite word game?
Hangman.
We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.
What do you call a party with 100 midgets? A little get together.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.