Short jokes
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!
Why did the cow go to outer space?
To see the moooon!
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
Bligitty blot, bliggity blit,
You better not be talkin' shit. 🔫
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
Are you mixed? Cuz you're half fine, half mine 😏
Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"
If an Indian had powers, it would be throwing tika masala.
What's a terrorist's favorite car? A Porsche 9/11.