Short jokes
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What's the LGBTQ+'s favorite cereal?
Fruity Pebbles.
What’s a fun game to play during a pride parade?
Capture the flag.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?
Because you can’t look up to them.
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
What do you call five Black people having sex?
Threesome.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.