Short jokes
What is worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.
A limbo champion walks into a bar.
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.
What did I say to the bridge?
Bye, bridge.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.
In fact, they hang with them!
What does Michael say when he laughs? He he.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
Whatโs the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They canโt say no.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.