Short jokes
God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.
Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?
Oh, it's still cancer.
I'm bald.
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was an amazing pilot.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? "LEAF me alone."
Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."
I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.
Yo mama's so stupid, she had a staring contest with a mirror.
What do you call an autistic kid that’s good at art?
Artistic.
A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
Obama was America's first black president, and Trump was their first orange one.
It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.