Short jokes
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
I once got raped. I was asking for it though.
Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.
Q: What's a German's favorite Undertale character?
A: Gaster.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What do you call an obese man with bipolar? Twins.
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.