Short jokes
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
reCAPTCHA
My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.
PERSON: I need to go so bad!
TOILET: Long time no pee!!!
What’s a bird’s favorite movie?
The Parrots of the Caribbean.
Wait, isn't this Sans' job to make a joke?
Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?
Ivana Pulyova.
Don't be sad, because that's das backwards and das not good.
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
The retards take the ancestry tests at 24andMe.com.
Why don’t mountains take things seriously?
Because they’re hill areas.
I moved so much stone today.
I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.
Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
Trump, must I say more?
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.