Short jokes
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
What do you call a white duck?
A quacker.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.