Short jokes
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
Dad, am I adopted?
NO! Why would I ever choose you?
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?
From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.