Short jokes
"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
For all the Harry Potter fans:
A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"
Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?
14 number 1 hits.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
Violence is never the answer:
It's the solution.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"