Short jokes
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
John
Aboriginals around for 50,000 years invented the spear.
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
Knock knock! Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
What does Drake call his rake?
Da-Rake.
Why does the sky think it's so powerful?
Because it's always looking down on us.
Which fish is the most famous?
The star fish!
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.
I like turtles.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.