Short jokes
Hey, I just found out my toaster is waterproof! :D
Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!
1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Why did the pen stop writing?
'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.
Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
What is Saturn's favorite movie?
Lord of the Rings.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.