Short jokes
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
What is Saturn's favorite movie?
Lord of the Rings.
I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Why is April the smartest month?
It can never be fooled.
Why does the sky think it's so powerful?
Because it's always looking down on us.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
Which fish is the most famous?
The star fish!
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
What does Drake call his rake?
Da-Rake.
Aboriginals around for 50,000 years invented the spear.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.