Short jokes
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.
What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
The S in America stands for safe.
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?
A toaster.
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.
Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.