Short jokes
What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?
"Baby, now we got bad blood."
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
What website should you go to to look up LSD dealers?
TripAdvisor.com
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.