Short jokes
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
I played the Angry Birds theme while watching a 9/11 documentary.
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.
Who wins?
Society.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.