Short jokes
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
Why were glow-in-the-dark condoms made?
To play Star Wars.
I don’t understand why Christians are so against body piercings. Didn’t Jesus have four?
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?