Short jokes
What do you call an under-the-weather seven?
A sick seven.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!