Short jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because KFC was offering free seeds.

Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.

Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.

If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.

He said the ATM outside.

Why don't women parachute naked?

That annoying whistling sound on the way down.

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity.

My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

Gas is expensive nowadays.

In the 1940s, they got it for free.

Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?

Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

What’s someone with AIDS' favorite Taylor Swift song?

"Baby, now we got bad blood."

What do you call a gay Eskimo?

A snow blower.

Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.

Midget: Hey! What’s up?

Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!

How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?

Depends how hard they blow out the candles.

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.