Short jokes
When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.
Me: Takes five minutes.
Me: Hun, you done yet?
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? They always eat the bat.
What did the expired butter do once it had expired?
It did an expire.
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
What do you call an old snowman?
Answer: Water.
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.
Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
What's a woodpecker's favorite kind of jokes?
Knock knock ones.
Ok guys, I have one last joke (for now).
What do you call it when Panera is over?
Panera end.
What do Roblox bots do that's both a type of meat and an annoying thing?
Spam.
What's Elizabeth Warren's nickname?
Pocahontas
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
What is the orphan's favorite toy from his parents?
They don’t have parents to pay for a toy.