Short jokes
Why is the rum gone?
I just planted emo grass.
Ignore it and it cuts itself.
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
The S in America stands for safe.
Yo mama is so old, she is the founder of the pyramid of Egypt.
I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
My name is Ethan, and I don't find this funny.
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
The lady says, "Come again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?
Arrrrrr-ceus!
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What sucks about disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.