Short jokes

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.

An orphan? We no jokes.

Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?

A JUMBO shrimp.

The F in orphans stands for family...

If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What do you call a disabled person who gets high?

Baked potato.

Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!

How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?

When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.

The S in America stands for safe.

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

what came first, The apple or the girl? The apple, because the tree left her hanging :)

If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?