My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
Short Jokes
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.
Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
What game do emo kids love the most?
Hangman.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
