What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Short Jokes
I went to a feminist picnic the other day.
It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
Do people even like me, C. A. S. N. O. V. A.?
Pick a number, syckkkkkkk, thatβs the wrong number.
All these jokes really hijacking my mind.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Why did the slave go to college?
To get his master's degree.
Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?
- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
