Short jokes
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
Who read the most words?
911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.
What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?
White Vans.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow-moving business.
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.
Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.