Short jokes
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Draggin’.
Draggin’ who?
Draggin’ these balls around yo’ face.
You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
What was Jesus's favorite sport?
Lacrosse.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.