Short jokes
Confucius say, "man who go to sleep with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
bradley
How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?
Calculator!
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
Why are obese jokes so offensive?
Because fat people have enough on their plate.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
I started crying when my dad cut up onions.
Onions was such a good hamster.
Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight
Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?
Because all the other letters are not Z's.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.