Short jokes
What's the best thing about midgets??
They don't need to bend while giving blowjobs.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?
That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr
The only thing brighter than my future is the fire on the World Trade Center.
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
So Kenny finally found his one true love.
But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.