Short jokes
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
What's the most common thing between Hitler and an emo?
Hitler knows when to kill himself!
Is it normal my emo cousin's hobby is tying himself to train tracks?
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...
Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
What's the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
How do you name an Asian child?
Ring the doorbell.
Yo mamma so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
Dear Slim Shady,
balls.
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Thanos snapped.
How are mountains able to see?
They peak!
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!