Short jokes
My best friend got ligma. (Ah, did he? Sorry bro.) LIGMA BALLS!
I like Cheetos.
I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.
Are your hands feeling heavy? Because I can hold them for you.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.
Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?
Answer: Hair Force One!
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
My grandfather says Iām too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.