Short jokes
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
I always enjoy family reunions.
It's always a good time meeting up with my exes.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
What's the difference between a Palestinian and SpongeBob's Sandy Cheeks?
One is living in a bubble, the other one in rubble.
Why do black men have nightmares?
Because the only one that had a dream got shot.
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.
Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."
Then which one are you?
Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.