Short jokes
Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.
Article 4: the Titanic sank.
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
You use your legs as support, you count on your fingers.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"
Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"
Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"
Why did you go depressed?
Because you’re you.
What did Bonnie say to Chica?
"Go kill yourself, dumbass bitch."
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.
Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.
What's a pedophile's favorite fast food meal?
In-N-Out of kids.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?
She had a meltdown.
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
Ever tried African food?
Neither have they.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."