Short jokes
i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?
They both died at 95.
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!
The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.