Short jokes
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
...Full!
Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because we shot the last one that had a dream.
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Sometimes, stairs get me down.