Short jokes

What do you call a Chinese man in the heat?

Boi Ling.

What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.

Q: What do you call it when four Mexicans drown in quicksand?

A: Cuatro Cinco.

I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.

I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.

Putin's Brain:

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it was stuck in a crack.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *pauses porn* Why?

I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.

If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay

What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh.

I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.

Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"

Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"

Billy: *spits out food*

Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.

Dad: *looks at mom*

Mom: Shut up.

If you get it, you get it.

Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.

I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.