Short jokes
What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?
A bonnet.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
Your adopted.
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What is a retard's favorite race? The grand autismo.