Short jokes
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
This is so sad, Alexa, play Despacito.
Astronauts just found water on Mars! Mars: 1. Africa: 0.
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
The more people who like to eat Tide Pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
All you need is a razor blade in life.