Short jokes
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
All you need is a razor blade in life.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?
A bonnet.
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
Your adopted.
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"