My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
Short Jokes
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
When people make accounts about you and a category.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
Why are Asian's eyes always squinted?
Nukes are bright.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
what's black and red and is a liquid?
my scars!
