Short jokes
I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
My heart says to stop because it hurts.
Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?
A Pre Visa!
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?