Short jokes
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
Sister: "Has anyone seen my clothes?"
Brother: "They're still in my bed."
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
I finally know why my brain doesn't work!
On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.