Passenger jokes

It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" the passenger said.

"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.

What passengers were happy that the Titanic sank?

The lobsters in the kitchen.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

Titanic was sinking.

Passenger: "How far are we from land?"

Captain: "Two miles."

Passenger: "Which direction?"

Captain: "Down."

A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

passengers: *start freaking out*

pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

passengers: *sigh with relief*

pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.

Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.

There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.

It crashed in a cemetery.

They recovered 500 bodies.

How does a train eat?

It goes, "chew chew."

I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.

Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!

Who read the most words?

911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.

A Muslim enters a building with 100 passengers and an airplane.

I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.

There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.

Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"

Me: dozes off while driving. Everybody else on the passenger plane on September 11.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."