Short jokes
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
"the floor is lava!"
- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.
I am the Lorax. I speak for trees. I have the high ground, and I will cut off your knees.
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!
Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants?
Because Chernobyl fallout.
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.