Short jokes
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
Yo mama's so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.
Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"
An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
What is an Emo's favorite hobby?
Hanging in.
I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
I would like to say that Jace, I disagree with you a lot, and I think you’re a very delusional person.
I miss my wife, Tails.
Teddy’s got a man in his Fanny.
What vehicle does a frog 🐸 drive?
The Beetle!
I always say I'm single, which annoys my wife.
Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.
He's the best! Hehehehehehehhehehhehehhehehehheh.
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
Q: What do hookers and kittens have in common?
A: They both get dumped on deserted back roads.
Charger: Yo, Phone.
Phone: Yeah?
Charger: Can I plug all in you?
Phone: Ayooo!
I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.
I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."