Short jokes
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.
Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
I can explain Superman and Batman movies in one sentence.
Two orphans fighting in the rain.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.
Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?
From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.
What's Joe Biden's favorite arcade game?
Space Invaders.