Short jokes
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?
The dinosaur once existed.
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Why do Indians have a red dot on their head?
Because they're recording.
I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have soul.
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.