Short jokes
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
To be the perfect German, you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.
Rust in peace.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.