Short jokes
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Rust in peace.
What did music tell the pancakes? -- B flat.
Nevermind, it's retarded.
what do you call a lazy gay?
someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.
I bought a book for my blind friend.
I'm gonna jump to my death.
Don't worry. I won't jump far.
Just off this chair here...
Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.