Short jokes
What do you call an old snowman?
Answer: Water.
What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.
What did the bee say to the other bee?
Moo.
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.
What does a homeless man call his mother?
Useless.
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!
Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
A: A Lamborghini isn't a very fun hobby.
Ahhhhhhh!
Sisters before misters.
I hope you get better.
I love you.
You know sex is better than logic, but I could've proved it...
Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].
Eggshausted.
How much do the bones in your body weigh?
A skele-ton!
"Time"? More like waiting.
"Bill, never do that again."
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”