Short jokes
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
What kind of bee makes milk?
Boo Bees
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
On September 11th, 2001, the New York Giants lost against the Jets.
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
BTW, I am one, wahahaa!
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.