Short jokes
For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”
Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What kind of bee can't fly?
A KOBE.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
"Windows 10 shutting down."
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.