Short jokes
Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.
My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.
Why did the chicken cross the road? cuz he saw a chic đ
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me fĂźhreious!
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
âThey see me rollinâ, they hatinâ.â
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.