Short jokes
When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.
You won't feel lonely anymore :(
Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
John Lennon: "What a nice view."
John walked outside.
He got shot.
:skull:
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
Why did the slave go to college?
To get his master's degree.
Why did the feminist fail algebra?
She couldn’t solve inequalities.
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination, but he did go everywhere.
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."