Short jokes
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
What kind of bee can't fly?
A KOBE.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
"Windows 10 shutting down."
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.