Short jokes
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
F is for friends who don't talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
Yo mama so fat that she needs two watches for two different time zones.
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.