Short jokes
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
What cow can part water? Mooses.
Sleep, but make it forever.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
Everybody misses Xxxtentacion, but the bullet didn't...
Donkeys are cool.
Why did the astronaut return to Earth?
She went on her launch break! 🚀🥪😋
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.
I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."