Short jokes
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"
And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
What is an emo kid's favorite Tool? A rope.
I showed my family a few Charlie Kirk debates.
They called him a pain in the neck.
OK, bye.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
My dick wants to buy you a beer. 🍺
In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?
None, both carpet munchers eat out.
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.
Maggot.
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
Do you know what SAWCON is?
SAWCON deez nuts.
How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?
Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.
You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.
Want to do a titcock dance with me?
What's a booty's favorite dance move?
THE BUM BOUNCE!
Why does the orphan not buy milk?
That's what their parents are doing.
What did the mom say to the baby?
I saw my sister sucking a big toe.