Short jokes
Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!
Orphan: You will?
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?
The recoil.
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
Why did the feminist fail algebra?
She couldn’t solve inequalities.
John Lennon: "What a nice view."
John walked outside.
He got shot.
:skull:
My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.
Why did the chicken cross the road? cuz he saw a chic 😉
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.