Short jokes
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
F is for friends who don't talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
Yo mama so fat that she needs two watches for two different time zones.
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.