Short jokes
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
F is for friends who don't talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
Yo mama so fat that she needs two watches for two different time zones.
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.