Short jokes
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
F is for friends who don't talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The dwarf who couldn’t reach the doorbell.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
Did you hear about the new sex doll they've invented for Muslims?
It blows itself up!!
Why don't black lives matter anymore?
Because a harvester is more efficient at picking crops than slaves.
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.
What kind of bee makes milk?
Boo Bees
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.