Short jokes
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.
You won't feel lonely anymore :(
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
John Lennon: "What a nice view."
John walked outside.
He got shot.
:skull:
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
Why did the feminist fail algebra?
She couldn’t solve inequalities.
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.