Short jokes
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.
I'm so gay I could barely think straight.
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
I got them red Gucci bracelets.
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?
Quatro Sinco.
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
What's a retard's favorite rock band? Syndrome of a Down.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!