Short jokes
What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
"Windows 10 shutting down."
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
F is for friends who don't talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.