Short jokes
What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?
“Just beat it! Just beat it!”
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
Q: What comes before 47?
A: AK
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
On September 11th, 2001, the New York Giants lost against the Jets.
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."
What do lesbians do while having their period?
They finger paint.
I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.
What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
They both make Black people run faster.
What do sex and food have in common?
My sister makes it better than my cousin.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.