Short jokes
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.
A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.
A quiet kid brings an MP5.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
One hat told another hat to stay behind, and he will go on a-head.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But cat scan!
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
I groomed 2 minors today.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).