Short jokes
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.
I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.