Short jokes
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!
What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."
Is Google a girl or a boy?
Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
Cousins make dozens.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.