Short jokes
What music do Astronauts listen to?
Nep-tunes.
To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
This is really mean...
A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous?
Because she blew up.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
I have no father. Like if you relate.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.