Short jokes
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."
Is Google a girl or a boy?
Obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion.
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
Cousins make dozens.