Short jokes
What did the baseball player say to the bassist?
Nice baseline!
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
Stand? Wait. No.
Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
Say "joke" 5 times.
Oh, nothing happened.
I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.
What phone do orphans have?
An iPhone 10R.
The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."
I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.
What do you call a goldfish that got third place? A bronze fish.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What's Bin Laden's favorite flavor of crisp? Plain.
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
If water makes you laugh, then jokes make you pee.
I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
My favorite Pixar film: Wall-E.
I was asked to give a bicycle joke, but I couldn't...
I was two tired.
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.