Short jokes
ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.
Head and Shoulders!
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.
Guys, should I do it? You know what I mean.
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.
MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
TAOST, you didn't submit it, you fuck!
Bro, your hairline and an athletics track have one thing in common: they look like Humpty Dumpty.
If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.
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I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.
I don't know why my friends look disgusted.
I beat up a failed musician until he started crying.
I thought a few hits would cheer him up!
"Room, you on."
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
Why does Mini P.E.K.K.A. love pancakes? Because he is busy watching explicit content involving the Archers and Firecracker.
What's the difference between me and Spongebob?
Spongebob can actually get ripped.
A guy jumped out of the Twin Towers, saying, "I ordered pepperoni pizza, not a plane!"