Short jokes
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When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.
Daryll
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"
Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?
Because they keepped.
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
Why did the sped kid get expelled?
Because he was tardy.
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
Why did the Titanic sink?
Because the people aboard are stupid.
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."
-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food
"You cannot win a war without a war."
-Sun Tzu, *The Art Of War*
Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.