Short jokes
I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!
John Toberty is not funny.
When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃
When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟
My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.
So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.
What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?
(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
Ebay is so useless. I tried searching up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.
What do queer guys call hemorrhoids? Speed bumps!
Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?
Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!
7000+ bats.
What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?
"Would you stop bugging me!"
2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.
2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.
What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"
Yeestt?
My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.
That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!
Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.