Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
Short Jokes
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
Your hairline is built like a license plate.
Naruto solos.
I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.
Yo momma so fat that it was hard to find the G spot and slip her one at night.
Why is Jupiter so big? Because it works out!
Lesson in laziness number 136894236842: don't be too lazy to read large numbers.
Gvvvvvvvuhhgh.
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!
What do you call someone who’s afraid of breaststroke? Chicken breast.
What is 1+2? 0-23 CKerk.
What do you call Panera bread when it’s on top of someone?
Panera head.
We were making jokes before the second tower even fell!
Why can't men play baseball?
Because no one can take the word "balls" seriously anymore.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
