Short jokes

I ran over three disabled kids.

"Cripple kill."

What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?

Suicide Boomer.

Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.

Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

I make science puns, but only periodically.

Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?

Reports say there's a small medium at large!

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!

So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

What's the darkest point in the universe?

The inside of a KFC.

"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.

Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?

A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.

Your hairline is so far back, Paw Patrol couldn't finish their mission.

If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.