Short jokes

What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.

I didn't come into the prostitution business...

It came into me.

Technoblade be doing skyblock in heaven now.

I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.

Welcome onboard Sexist Airlines. Everyone, please fasten your seatbelts now as we are switching to a female pilot.

What's the best haircut?

Chemotherapy.

No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either.

It's just true.

When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.

Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?

They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.

When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?

If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.

My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.

I used to keep asking a woman if I can rape her until she got so annoyed and said, "Stop asking me."

What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?

Suicide Boomer.

Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.

Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

I make science puns, but only periodically.

Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?

Reports say there's a small medium at large!