Short jokes
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
Did you hear about the homosexual letter? It only came in male boxes.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Dark, rich, and imported.
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either.
It's just true.
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
Did you know that you can die from laughing? Well, that’s why I laugh so much.
What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.