No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either
it’s just true
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
A kid is learning about planets in school, when he hears the planet Uranus. Knowing it's the perfect opportunity for a joke, the kid replies, "Where's my Anus?"
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. -- But he's still making fun of me.
Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin. Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff
To be the perfect German you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbles and as blonde as Hitler.
My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said "The Mail Man died".
why is an iphone x perfect for an orphan? because it doesnt have a home button
If you don't like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOU HERE!
If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at and if they cry, just say 'hey here are your parents' then grab nothing. perfect example.
if the shoe fits perfectly why did it fall off
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
I wrote an essay today about africa and I FAILED even though i wrote a perfect rendition of the hunger games storyline
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?” Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
2 simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you step 1. Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size) step 2 . Run through Africa with that bottle of water. Perfect now You got yourself half the population there following you
I've been told I've got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I took it from her though.
