Short jokes
She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!
What is the difference between an American and an orphan?
They don't have a home to get their guns.
I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
Why did 7 kill 11?
Because now 7 was even.
What do you call a gold digger?
A miner.
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side! Haha, so funny...
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If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
What time is it? It's time for lunch.
*Quoted by Bubble Guppies*
Hello.
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Your momma so fat when she jumped the world collapsed.
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
Anyone wanna chat?
I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldn’t really land well.