Short jokes
Levi and Andrew are fat.
Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
McDonald's :)
Can you fuck me, please?
Why don’t Mexicans have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim are in the USA.
What has a head and tail but no legs?
A penny.
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
Electricity.
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
Why did Sally decide to fly to school?
She couldn't drive.
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.