What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
Short Jokes
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?
When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...
Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?
You are the reason double doors were invented.
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.
Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
