Short jokes
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
Have you ever tried North Korean food?
Neither have the North Koreans.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
You are the reason double doors were invented.
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.