Short jokes
Kid: Are you gay?
Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.
What did Hitler kill himself with? A "Nein"-millimeter.
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
He hated the Poles.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?
She was too young.
3.14% of sailors are...
π-rates.
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
What is Wacko Jacko's favorite David Bowie song?
"Boys Keep Swinging."
Why did Trump go to Jeffrey's secret Island?
So he could trump that little bitch!
My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3